Is an emotional reprieve attainable?
Have you ever tried to get away from cancer? To spend some time away from the disease that has already taken up so much of your life? To give your psyche a reprieve from all the negatives that cancer conjures up?
I have.
Yes, me. A woman dedicated to raising breast cancer awareness, I tried to get an emotional reprieve. This weekend in fact.
But it didn’t work.
Inevitably, throughout the course of the weekend, I was reminded of my place as a survivor. Saturday, I sat near another survivor at our sons’ little league game; we exchange a knowing look each time we see each other, a look that is both comforting and infuriating at the same time. Yesterday, I ran into a woman at the beach that I hadn’t seen since last summer. Before we parted, she looked at me sincerely and asked, ‘Is everything okay, with you, you know?’ Yes, I said. Yes, of course, thanks for asking. Damn, I thought, I had forgotten that I had cancer until you reminded me! Today at our town’s Memorial Day parade several groups of students were raising money for the upcoming Relay for Life. I bought a few brownies for the kids off of them (it wasn’t their fault I was trying to take an emotional vacation) but then, as if to rub it in my face, the Connecticut Challenge float appeared! I literally turned my head when it passed — how dare it infringe on my mental break! The nerve!
It’s the strangest thing, really. Because here I sit, in my home, truly embracing my lot in life, but for the last 48 hours, I desperately wanted to be out in the world as someone untouched by this disease. Why? Because for a short time, if possible, I didn’t want any negative feelings to filtrate precious time with family.
Now, I realize that negative emotions are, at times, necessary. They point out things we need to deal with in our lives, issues we need to sort out, factors we need to process. But at other times, they are completely in the way.
The question is … can we get away from them? Should we try to get away from them? What do you think?
Is it possible to attain an emotional reprieve from this disease (without joining the equivalent of the witness protection program)?
Tags: breast cancer, breast cancer awareness, breast cancer blog, cancer, Karen Lynch, Karen M. Lynch, survivor, Woman
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