Why Conversations With Survivors Are Tough
On any give day you might find yourself speaking to a survivor when things suddenly go sour. Especially if you are married to the guy or gal. Let me share with you what just happened to me.
Scene: I’m in the kitchen preparing breakfast for the kids before school. My husband calls from his hotel room in DC where he has been on business for the last three days. After the niceties (”Everyone say ‘Hi’ to Daddy!” and “How’d you sleep?” and “What’s on tap for today?”) here’s what basically transpired:
Me: “Is there an iPod around here that I can use on my drive up to Yale today?”
Him: “No, at the moment there’s not.”
Me: “Darn. I thought I’d listen to an audio book or something to pass the time on the ride.”
Him: “It’s not that far.”
Me: “IT DOESN’T MATTER HOW LONG OF A DRIVE IT IS YOU INSENSITIVE #$@#$%@#$%@”
Click.
Alright, you might say, that was an uncalled for attack. Or you might say, how come, after four years of listening to me say how depressing that drive to Yale is, he doesn’t understand how down I get on doctor days?
Because even though I’m a survivor, I had to go through something that some people don’t survive. Because even though I’m a survivor, there are days when I wonder if … or when … this disease will come back again to try my strength. Because even though I’m a survivor, I think about my mortality in a way that I never did before because I’ve heard the words ‘you have cancer’ and ‘your cancer is back’ and cancer kills. Because even though I’m a survivor … some days I wish I was anything but. Usually on days when I have follow up appointments.
Because on the drive to Yale to see my doctors for follow up care I often wonder … will today be the day I hear those words again?
So tell me … do you have days like this, too? Are they on doctor days? Rainy days? Days that end in ‘Y’?
P.S. End of day update: All went well at the doctor today — still cancer free as far as they can tell!
(Photo courtesy of D3 San Francisco on Flickr)
Tags: breast cancer, breast cancer blog, cancer, health, health and wellness, survivors, wellness, women, women's health, women's health and wellness, YaleRelated Stories
POSTED IN: Support, Survivor Stories, Venting/Rants
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