Helping Your Child Cope with Recurring Cancer
Nothing breaks a momma’s heart more than the knowledge that her children are suffering.
When a momma’s cancer causes her children to suffer … it’s barely bearable.
When a child’s continual pain comes out in his schoolwork catching a momma by surprise … it’s horrific.
More than a year has passed since my last surgery; I’ve regained my strength and mobility. I thought my children were all secure about my health, confident in my abilities. But my oldest son recently brought home a list of four wishes he’d created in school and one of them read: “I wish my mother wouldn’t get breast cancer again in 2010.”
I masked my pain as I asked him about his wish. He explained. “You had breast cancer when I was four, you had breast cancer when I was six, and now that I’m eight, I’m pretty sure you’re going to get breast cancer again this year and then again in 2010 when I’m ten.
When I started to reassure him, he said, “you thought you wouldn’t get breast cancer again the first time you had it, but you did. You can’t say you won’t get it again!”
Ouch. He was right.
Living with the fear of recurrence is difficult for most survivors, right? Well, apparently we aren’t the only ones living with that fear. Unfortunately, some children understand all too well that particular fear can become reality.
By the time the sun was setting in the sky I emailed my son’s teacher. I was on the phone with his school social worker first thing the next morning. He opened up the lines of communication with his clear cry for help — and I wasn’t going to let him down. His support network is back in place. He’s not going to face his fears alone.
I don’t have all the answers, I might not even have the best advice, but I do have a strong opinion I want to share with you about this: you must get help for your children if they are troubled by your life with cancer.
- Watch for signs that your child is in distress. Review her schoolwork. Talk to her teachers. Monitor her mood and behavior. If anything indicates she’s calling for help, get her help.
- Tell the school social worker about your situation — present or past. It’s a simple thing for him or her to call your child out of class to check-in periodically to make sure your child is okay and aware that there is a safe adult she can talk to if she needs to talk.
- Here are two great resources for your to consider: CancerCare for Kids offers free professional services like counseling, workshops and .pdfs for you to print out. And, the American Cancer Society has a great resource page on their website for helping children cope including an age by age guide for talking to kids about a cancer diagnosis and a great bookstore with a workbook your child can work in to help them process their own overwhelming emotions.
(Image: Karen Lynch)
Tags: breast cancer, cancer, children, health, men, wellness, womenRelated Stories
POSTED IN: Children and breast cancer, Support
2 opinions for Helping Your Child Cope with Recurring Cancer
Kelly
May 17, 2008 at 11:55 pm
Thanks for the info. This just came up with my son. I never made a promise to my son that I would always be here or nothing was going to happen to me but at the same time I never mentioned dying either.
After his bath 2 weeks, A simple conversation about his friends communion (Jesus dying) made him so upset about the possibility of me dying. Its like his step dad said, we may never of talked about it directly to him but its always been an elephant in the room. My son has basically only ever known me with cancer. He was 14 months and 26 onths with my dxs. He is almost 8 now. I think he may of been keeping it in or now finally has the vocabulary to express himself. It was heartbreaking. I told him not to worry that he would always be taken care of. Just not sure I handled it right,
Thanks for the resources.
Karen Lynch
May 18, 2008 at 9:08 pm
Kelly, you are welcome. I’m sure you handled it just the right way — with a mother’s heart and an honest voice.
Have an opinion? Leave a comment: